So having started this Blog earlier this year, with great intentions and a desire to communicate, you will have spotted the go slow and eventual halt in proceedings. In all honestly, I simply lost the will, I hunkered down, feeling I had nothing much of interest to say or anything really positive to explore. A general malaise has been a sensation that has permeated our lives at the Castle over these winter months. Unusually, Charles and I, generally very positive and get up and go type people, an intrepid pair who actively find a solution, change direction, work with the flow, clamber that hillock, etcetera, etcetera , well in short, we have both been feeling rather glum.
There are lots of reasons, lack of time together, limited family connection, a loss of a dear friend, 90 hour working weeks, no sun light, political uncertainty, massive taxation, spiraling food & utility bills, decreasing markets and huge sense of so much to do, that neither of us feel that we are chipping away enough to breakthrough anymore!
Any or all of the above affect so many of us in this life, okay so not everyone is daft enough to take on a slice of ruined history, and dedicate their lives to a restoration, but I do know everyone has their own challenges, their own ruined castle, in what ever form it takes. We all have our own dark doors that we sometimes just can’t face opening, a place where a miasma of ‘stuff’ lurks, that simply overwhelms and is so hard to untangle.
So what to do, I know that it is a must to find the positive, find the love. Its always a start, in words of my father-in-law, I do know, that I have ‘those that I love and those that love me’ and without that love, I couldn’t get by, but sometimes in the dark, it is hard to find the light.
Spring is now the in the air, the days are lighter and I can see flowers from the windows of the house, swallows have arrived, the bleat of lambs echo through the hills, the woodpeckers are back and a ‘the sound of the cuckoo, high on bended hill’ (Glen Massan Manuscripts) reverberates. Life and light abounds and all of this is a blessing. So I have made myself write, made myself open the door and I will connect. I walk the fat Basset every day, I kiss my man and my girls and I tell my family I love them.
What ever this year brings you all, may it bring you love and the ability to love. I will be back.
http://www.sada.org.uk/index_2.php
https://theanatomyoflove.com/what-is-love/what-is-love/
A beautiful profound poem to share. Sung at our Wedding and at my grandmothers funeral
Amazing Grace – by John Newton (1779)
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
Dear Sadie
I know only 2 well the feelings you describe and that dark place where Angels fear to tread. The overwhelming urge to lock the doors, pull the blankets over your head and tell everyone to go away seems very inviting.
We too had such a time where we nearly lost everything. The well paid job went due to medical reasons. The mortgage could not be met due to the loss of job. Everything started to go wrong and that light at the end of the tunnel could not be seen. At this point the locked door and blankets seemed very appealing. Had I taken that option we would have lost everything. So I negotiated a leaving package based on my medical condition which my employers did not want to do but the imminent visit to the Employment Tribunal soon changed their mind. From here we sold our expensive house, down sized to a very nice cottage and adapted our lifestyle to a lesser income. That light at the end of the tunnel got brighter and brighter.
Now some people would read this and think that we have lost everything. In reality we gained everything, we spend more time together, do more activities together and are finding life to be a lot more enjoyable. I wont say that I don’t miss the money but I will say life is a lot more fun when you have time to share it with someone you love.
Your situation is in a lot of ways similar to our life style before the medical problem. We were so wrapped up with earning money keeping an expensive lifestyle going we did not see the damage we were doing to our relationship. Work took priority over everything else. The restoration is your work, your so wrapped up with bringing in the money to complete the work it has started to take away the enjoyment, hence your dark winter. What you are attempting to do with this castle is a fabulous idea.I take my hat off to both you and Charles for taking on such a mammoth task but take time for yourselves. The ruins will still be there next week if you take a week for yourselves. The task is going to be long term before you complete it but when you do the benefits will be there for your reward. Ignore the negative feedback from those who do not wish to be involved and rejoice in those that support you. People would not give freely their hard earned cash if they did not feel the task you have set yourself was a worthy one. So remember the old saying ” you look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves”. Don’t let this task burden you and become a mill stone.If the money comes in do the work, if it slows down chillax. Take time for yourselves, Rome wasn’t built in a day and it took an all powerful being to create Heaven and Earth in six days. But even he/she knew they had to take a day off.
Dearest Laird Kenneth, wonderful wise words and thank you so much for sharing. It means a great deal to both Charles and I to know we have support. You are vey right, time off, even an hour to walk about the garden or, heaven forbid go out together. I appreciate your story, it is important to share our experience and example, that makes us all the stronger. I take your words to heart as does Charles. Thanks again so much x
I also, had a “dark” winter this year and I live in sunny South Carolina! Such is the way at times. These things shall pass, is what my grandmother would tell me, and they do, but the “getting through” them is very daunting at times. I have also, lost my major income 21 years ago due to medical reasons same as Laird Kenneth. The thought that we must still take care of things even when we want to cover our heads and hide from life can bring us down even farther into the “rabbit hole”. I give myself a “bad body” day once in a great while. And I don’t let myself feel guilty about it either. After all we do for family and friends, just the day to day cooking and cleaning, can weigh heavy on us. Give yourself permission to take a day to regroup. But only 1 day! Sometimes I even schedule one, lay in supplies, and spend a day with myself. Something to look forward to! Hang in there, spring is here and the birds will sing again.
I was wondering if you have a volunteer program where people can come work for a day or more? A way to lift the long list of work to do burden from you and family. Volunteers are a great way to get a lot of work done in a little amount of time. We are planning on a trip to Scotland September next year. We are looking for opportunities where we can “touch” history off the tourist trail. I for one would love to come to Dunans Castle, see my little plot of land and work for a day for nothing more than a drink of water. My ancestors are from that area and to walk where they walked would be wonderful.
I hope my words have helped you if even just a wee smile for a moment.
Thank you again for your blogging! I love it!
Lady Barabal
Dear Lady Barbara, I love the idea of a scheduled ‘day’ off, thank you for that. Our days rolling endlessly into each other, and time out gets often forgotten. We are currently putting together a volunteer programme and have a lovely local lass working part time on this very thing. She joined us recently and identified exactly the requirement and will. I have taken the liberty of adding her e-mail here. Do get in touch with her and I know we can provide you with much more than a glass of water. Thank you for making contact, I shall plan those days out starting now. Maybe we shall meet in 2018. Sadie x fiona.scottishlaird@gmail.com
We have up days, we have down days but always remember that tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
Dear Barrie – lovely words and you are totally right. x Thank you.
Sadie,
I can understand where you are coming from! I too am a writer. I have been putting together a book series and find that with all the limited amount of time there is no time to just sit down and write. Being a mom, working full-time, and the day to day chores, the most I want to do is just sleep!
I think you and Charles for taking over the task of restoring such a lovely piece of history. I for one can’t wait to visit to see all the things you have done. Unfortunately that will have to wait but I’ll get there! LOL
Dear Netha – I share your feelings, I really do. Sometimes the days go by and my list ‘todo’ is longer in the evening than when I started. I also find that magic place to get writing a real challenge – often I end up in my kitchen and then get cross, because its all so domestic. Thank you for your words, I hope you get here one day as well. Maybe we can share our writing talents. x
That would be lovely. I’m hoping to get what I can done for a July conference in FL. If things go well I could be looking at an agent and publisher for the series. Which I’d love to see. That way I can hand you a copy!
Good luck with it – no mean feet, well done and my fingers are crossed. xx